well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
