I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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