I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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