that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
