It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
