those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
