I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just found puke in my bra..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
