Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
