Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
