they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
