Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
