i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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