I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
