Say something about gay babies.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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