I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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