i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
