you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
