I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
