Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
