You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
