you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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