Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
