I bet he comes in French.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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