He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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