i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Everyone says I win the strip club
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
