my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
