is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
