The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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