Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We have so much sex to catch up on
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
