Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
