I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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