youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
