If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
