You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
