You're my little dorito
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
