She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
