she was so not down for the gang bang
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How's work?
Spinning.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
