He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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