One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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