don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize