Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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