I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
