oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
