And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
