i think my tv is drunk
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
