ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
