Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
