Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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