Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
