You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
